Halloween

Usually my favorite holiday, not feeling it this year.  Saw Phantasm: Ravager, Shin Gojira (finallty, a new Godzilla flick from Toho, with English subs no less), and The Shining all in theater.  I also carved a couple of jack-o-lanterns for the father of a friend.  He's big on Shari Lewis' Lambchop.

That was fairly easy, and a small pumpkin.  I also did my standby, a skull, because I've had practice at it.  haven't done one in many years.  This was large and heavy, and relatively dry.  Some pumpkins crumble, I got lucky that this one held detail.  Now, the shape didn;t come off as well as I like - the sets of teeth too wide and not fully deep enough. On the other hand this has been the most structurally sound of them all, as I usually fully carve eaach tooth in the round and separate the jaws.  Because I remove all of the skin, these pumpkins shrink quickly.  That's also a problem for the bone structure between the eyes and nasal cavity - I never learn to make them smaller than I want them to be, allowing for shrinkage.  With a gap between upper and lower rows of teeth, the face can distort.  This year's pumpkin leaves both jaws one solid piece.  Took four hours, so either I rushed it or familarity with the shapes paid off...looking at it, I think it's a bit of both.  I'm mostly unhappy with the cheekbones which are way below my standard, though as stated I was trying to keep shrinkage in mind.  The original pics haven't gone through Gimp yet.

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I don't care to post about my family situation.  It's still unfolding on multiple fronts.

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I still miss Dana badly, and always will.  She now only rarely appears in dreams, often only represented by proxy or symbol, and I have no sense whether any are more than just dreams.  One stood out, from  around the time I mentioned the Cronenberg movie A History of Violence.  In it, she stood inches from me staring hard into my eyes like she was willing me to read her mind. Her right eye was closed in what looked like a permanent injury. On waking I realized that was an Odinic reference, the attainment of wisdom at great personal cost.

A few nights ago a dream-version of her said that she knew I wanted her to stay away from me.  I've never wanted that.

In all the dreams I've had of her from the beginning, there's been one thing she's wanted from me.  Not sure I know the single word with which to express it though...more than acceptance.  Tenderness.  Caring. 

I've always tried to offer her that. I still do though she never takes it.