That's what she said, the total stranger waiting for the bus. Then she explained that she was referring to the Year of the Monkey in Chinese astrology. It was meant to bring ill luck to everyone - bad, but supposedly not lasting and that something good is meant to come of it. (Shaking head slowly) 2016 has been a ruinous year for almost everyone I have encountered.
I didn't tell her that my online aliases are all ape-based.
Mom was supposed to have some test results coming that would lead to a decision on whether treatment would even be feasible. I never hear back on that, so either no decision was made or (more likely) I have been kept in the dark about it. Now mom seems to be getting some of the earlier symptoms back again. Bracing for another season of panic and hopelessness. I almost drowned once as a child, and this feels like a slow-motion version of that.
The election results promise that the bad has gone from personal to national if not global. The Year of the Monkey does not end until January 28th. Fuck.
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Maybe I should attempt line drawings, pen and ink. Try for the 'adult coloring book' aesthetic that's the current fad? It would be an interesting exercise if nothing else, get me far away from my usual thought process for drawing and focus on composition. Theme? Pages from Stoker's Dracula, or positions of the Kama Sutra might be good. I did a few sketches once of the actor Henry Irving as Dracula, seeing that Stoker had hoped Irving would play the role. What else? Kama Sutra would sell if I did a good job and found someone who could put them out, but from an artist's perspective seems kinda dry. No variety to the sex itself, so that would be a challenge...strictly male-female couplings, one-on-one, no fetishes so I'd have to vary up everything else about the images. Not into drawing men, either, but I'd want it to be inclusive. Plenty of variety in people themselves. So, the Kama Sutra, that angle sounds a little dull but it would be a good marketing hook. KS is more than just a catalog of positions, but that's the popular perception. Have to admit I have not read it.
I almost (almost) wish I knew someone in video production. Caught part of a movie review show on local cable access. Kudos to them for actually making it happen, right? Beyond that...hate to criticize them for the effort but it was dire. So it made me want to try it myself. On the other hand that might mean having to watch myself in order to edit...a prospect I loathe almost as much as having to hear my recorded voice played back. Still, might be worth it to bring more attention to the movies of Shinya Tsukamoto. I might not be up to reviewing Sion Sono as I don't have a bead on his work, but I do have a decent collection of his to work from. Actually, I'm looking for anything I feel inspired to review and mostly coming up blank. I tried to write up Blue is the Warmest Color a year ago and it read more like a sociopolitical lecture than a review (I'm pro-, not anti-). Jesseca has suggested Paul Naschy. I have a few but they are all censored versions. Most of the directors I've collected are mainstream, thus already well covered. Argento is so well-read that I miss most of his influences from Jung to classical artists of every field. Ah, you can tell by my mood that, um, I'm in a mood. Anyway, Jesseca and I batted around a few ideas, if I could get Scott to shoot me with his phone discussing movies and zip the files to her in New York, she could play around with them. Full production, I'd love to do a Sinister Simian show for the Portland cable access market. At least here the Sinister Cinema nod would be appreciated. I wonder if I could manage a Planet of the Apes styled makeup job to turn me into a macaque like my avatar...that could be fun!
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The morning before Thanksgiving I dreamt of seeing Dana on TV, co-anchoring some half-hour news-magazine. Her hair was straight, medium-short, and lighter. Strange thing is I can't recall ever seeing her wear her hair this way in real life yet I've seen her look this way a number of times in my dreams. Don't know why. I reached out to caress her cheek but all I could feel was hard, cold glass.
(earlier today) Dreamt of Dana as a talk-show host interviewing her own alter ego. She glanced at me watching the interview and seemed upset thinking that I preferred the exaggerated persona rather than her complete, authentic self.
Not quite two years since I reached out to her on FaceBook. Though I want nothing more to do with FB, I keep hoping that my gmail will tell me she's sent a friend request. Someone looked at her page back then and told me that she was living with a guy. She could have children don't know. I didn't want to know she was with someone , but okay... that wasn't unexpected. She's probably with him still. Well, I'm only asking her to open up a conversation with me as a friend so that's not a reason she can't talk with me.
If I was ever going to fall out of love with her it would have happened a long time ago. It's never going to stop hurting that I also lost her as a friend. Funny thing is that if we did ever become a pair I don't know if we'd even be happy with each other. No dream ever promised any such thing. I saw little beyond us meeting again. I held her in my arms once in real life (backstage after a show - she wouldn't have guessed what it meant to me). I'd like that again.
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