The softer lead is definitely not for shading. I may have to erase some of the lighter work and redo it.
* * *
Sometime back in what I think must have
been the late 'Nineties (earliest '00s at the latest?), I had an
unusual dream that took place in someone else's imagination. That's
according to the details of the dream, you understand. You know how
in dreams, you just kind of know things, like the information is
inherent? That's what I mean: the premise of the dream was that it
was essentially someone else's, and I was appearing in it. Told you
it was unusual.
The dream was this: I find myself
standing in a hotel room, very plain and generic, dimly lit, the
décor is entirely in red. I am alone, and naked as if I arrived
directly from bed. I know somehow that this is a room in one of the
upper East Coast States, like New Hampshire or Connecticut. It is
late evening.
As I stand there, Dana arrives back
from a night out. She has been dancing. Thing is, she does not
actually enter the room via any door, as there is no door – she
simply appears, strides quickly to the bed and throws herself across
it. She seems despondent, weary, lonely. Soul-tired. She does not
notice me at first.
I back up against the wall facing the
bed and slide down it to a resting crouch, not wanting to disturb
her, but she seems to notice and turns her head to see me. Instead
of being startled or alarmed, she slowly drags herself off the bed
and paces across the room to sit on the couch with me(suddenly I'm
sitting on a couch – dreams do that). She sits with me for a
while, not speaking, just letting me keep her company. I wonder why
she tolerates my presence, usually in dreams she doesn't. I tell
her that I like the room, which seems appropriate in the moment
though on the surface it's a silly thing to say.
She gets up, still very sad, and
wanders to stare at a window. The drapes (or were they blinds?) are
shut, and I am certain that if I were to open them there would be no
window, or that it would bricked up. I follow her and stand behind
her, my arms around her, holding her in a warming embrace. She says
nothing but lets me hold her. No window, no door...I reach a few
realizations. This room is not real but one she has conjured in her
mind, it is a safe haven to which she has retreated for solace. The
reason she does not find my presence threatening is because she
believes I too am a figment of her imagination. She needs the
comfort of someone who loves her, and for some reason she has chosen
me to call to her side.
* * *
That was the dream. It was a strong
one, very clear and vivid, and felt like “one of those” (see
previous post). I've never ha an out-of-body experience that I know
of, but that dream very much felt like it must have been something of
the sort. I believe Dana called me to her. Get this; not long
after, a few weeks at most, I ran a search for her online. That's
not something I 'd ever done before and haven't since, because I'm
always afraid of what I'll find – for instance that she's married.
I found her, though. More, she had posted her itinerary. On the
night that I'd had that dream she had been in that upper East Coast
state, and she'd been dancing.
* * *
So I asked about the dream I had in
which she had been writing a letter at night and her hand froze up,
preventing her from following through. Just a dream, or something
that really happened? I don't know. In that dream, like the one
above, I felt I was called to her side. Disembodied, she did not
know I was there. I stopped her hand.
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